"lief me alone" (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
reidentify) wrote2017-09-01 09:28 pm
reidentify) wrote2017-09-01 09:28 pm
Entry tags:
week 4 ( friday );
[Vriska probably expected this visit.
As Lief approaches, he does his best to keep his expression neutral, but even so, something hard settles in his eyes. (Please, please do not let this be what breaks his partner.) Once he reaches Vriska, he asks, quietly,]
Which ones among them?
[Or all?]
As Lief approaches, he does his best to keep his expression neutral, but even so, something hard settles in his eyes. (Please, please do not let this be what breaks his partner.) Once he reaches Vriska, he asks, quietly,]
Which ones among them?
[Or all?]
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Vriska is sitting on the beach staring out over the water, her hair bound back in a ponytail, her arms loosely draped over her bent knees. She'll spare him a glance, then return to watching the ocean. ]
We picked Kirigiri. I didn't perform the kill, so I don't know what happened, and I won't tell you who did. I also don't know who went after Alistair or Shinji or why. Those weren't Siren kills.
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He takes in a breath, visibly forcing himself to calm down. It was nothing personal on the Sirens' part (he hopes). It's not as if they're keeping track of every single person everyone associates with.
... But why did it have to be them?]
I see.
[Why, after indirectly killing the person Prussia cared about most, after she then had to lose her best friends here the next week, did they have to take away the last of her people too?
He doesn't ask any of that, because he knows, again, that the answer will be that they weren't thinking about that at all. And it shouldn't matter to them, really.
But on top of everything else that's happening on this island, having to constantly worry, without a break, about his partner's emotional stability—it's wearing down on him, however horrible that it is when it isn't even about him.]
Why?
[Though he can guess.]
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[ ... ]
You're struggling with this.
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[He frowns. His voice is non-accusatory, but it's still a bit unimpressed.]
Erhard is the last person my partner truly cares about now that every other person has been ripped away from her. Pardon me if I was hoping that, at least this week, she would be spared of that.
[Though he knows that it's terrible, to "choose" lives like that. No one should be more important simply because Prussia cared about them.
And—it's chilling, to realize that aside from her murderer, he may very well have been the last person to see Kyouko alive. While he knew from the start that it wouldn't have changed a thing, it was his responsibility to protect her.]
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[ Her own voice is even, but it's clear she's restraining herself. The look she gives him is sharp. ]
Look, I get it. I am losing friends too. But you know what's at stake, Lief. Don't pretend that any person's feelings matter more than getting everyone out of here alive. I need to know you'll be on my side no matter what. I am getting closer to a solution, and I can't afford mistakes. Especially not with Raven gone.
[ They all know at this point that Raven is not coming back.
Also: hey, implicit admission Raven was a Siren! Surprise! ]
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But honestly, everything's been building up for a while, so sorry, Vriska, but he's snapping for a moment—]
I am aware of that, Vriska. But are you the only one allowed to have emotions or opinions on anything while I am expected to take it all without complaint? Am I always to be the one who never loses his calm?
[He remained composed every time a friend lost someone and he was there to comfort them. He remained composed during all of the hallucinations, be it the second week or this one. He remained composed when Raven disappeared and Bellamy and Akira were openly breaking.
Why does it always have to be him?
But even though a few reached out to him to tell him that it was okay to depend on others once in a while (Raven, but—she really is gone, isn't she?), Lief knows that it isn't.
And so, despite his outburst, he finds himself rubbing his temple soon after and saying—]
... Sorry. Yes, you are right—though it would help if I had any idea what that solution is. If you are asking me to unconditionally be on your side, you cannot expect me to be content with staying in the dark.
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... no, Lief. Of course not. I was just pointing out it wasn't personal, and there was no way for us to know how this would impact Prussia. I didn't point out that you're struggling to accuse you of anything. I understand. We are both under incredible amounts of pressure, even if it's for different reasons. If you want to explode on somebody, it may as well be me. I'm the only person you know for sure you can blame.
[ Cool, but not unkind. ]
... my efforts to find a third way out of the game are stalling. I need to find the remaining Wickie. It's extremely important that I do. But I have been working on something else. A backup plan.
If I play my cards right, I may be able to secure a face to face meeting with the volcano spirit next week. That's what I was doing out of the village this entire week. Looking for it.
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Why do you need to find the remaining Wickie? Because they are a threat to you? Or is it tied to winning the game?
... And what would you hope to discuss with the volcano spirit?
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As for the volcano spirit, I plan to ask it myself if there are other ways to end the game. If it refuses or there simply aren't any, I am going to kill it. In fact, I might just kill it anyway.
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[...]
That is very risky, Vriska.
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Anyway, it sure is! What's a good plan without some risk? If I fail, I'll probably get killed, so whatever. If I think for some reason it would put everyone at risk, I won't go through with it, obviously.
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I have killed things like this spirit before. Even without my powers I feel confident I could do it again. That said, your concerns are understandable! I will be careful, Lief. There wouldn't be any point to going to all this trouble if all I did was just get everyone killed anyway!
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[It's meant both as a reassurance, that there are others to depend on, and a reminder, that she is not the sole person to decide their fates.]
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Vriska will be pensive in the wake of that comment, cupping her chin in her hands and staring down at the sand. ]
I think if you'd told me that even a day or two before I got here I would have taken that kind of comment as an insult! I've just always kind of assumed that I could do whatever I wanted, I guess? And as long as it helped people, it didn't matter how I did it or who it impacted! Or who got hurt. Because I was right and they were just being babies! But I definitely don't believe that now. I have made too many mistakes to keep thinking that way.
I know you think I'm brutal and probably a little heartless, Lief, but I really do want to do the right thing. What do you think I should do?
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[He's... not exactly thrilled with what Vriska does. But, in the end, haven't they all committed atrocities here? This game has put blood on all of their hands.]
But I do not know. I have far less information than you do, Vriska, and I cannot know what I do not know. It is not as if I have not made my share of mistakes in this place, either.
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I had some idea. I just think you're a better person than I am.
I don't think I'll actually be able to bring anyone with me, but if you could talk to the volcano spirit, what would you ask it? At least we can start there.
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... Why these murders appease it, I suppose.
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